Being, Having and Doing: How Much is Too Much?

I've been reading a book with an important message that's especially timely now, as the holiday season approaches. The book, A Life of Being, Having and Doing by Wayne Muller, encourages the reader to examine just how much of anything - activity, stuff, stimulation - we really need to create a life worth living. Sometimes I need to be reminded that I can decide what to let in; I'm not obligated to take advantage of something just because it's there. I suspect that a lot of other people out there are in the same situation.

A sign posted in one of my former workplaces read "Just because you can, doesn't mean you should." These days, we all receive so many opportunities, requests, news sources, email messages and information that some of us feel guilty when we turn anything down. Some parents feel guilty when they limit the number of extracurricular activities a child can participate in; maybe the child will be at a disadvantage later on. Some of us dislike turning down requests for volunteering even if we really are booked up. And some people I've met face gifting expectations that exceed their resources.

The holidays bring on an overabundance of nearly everything. I used to experience a twinge whenever I decided not to attend an event or when my group turned down a performance opportunity. I tried to stuff in as much as possible. Then, a few years ago, I realized that I wasn't enjoying it anymore. Now I plan more carefully and keep my limits in mind.

If you're feeling overwhelmed already (and the holiday season hasn't even officially started!), it helps to come up with some guidelines for involvement. Here are questions I find useful:

• Do I really want to do this or am I motivated by guilt?
• Is my gut reaction a "Yes!" or "Oh, alright...I guess."?
• Do the expenses associated with the activity make me uncomfortable? Will I have to overspend in order to participate?
• Am I needing more time at home, alone or with my family instead of going out?
• Am I tired enough to fall asleep as soon as I get home tonight? Seriously, if you're fantasizing about sleeping for 24 hours straight, you're not being "lazy."
  
• Does this contribute to what, for me, would be a meaningful holiday season? Use your own definition of meaningful. No one else can tell you what gives you a sense of purpose.
• Who are the people most important to me? Will this help or hinder those relationships?

After you've been asking yourself these questions for a few years, you'll develop a stronger sense of what you really need and want. At that point you'll be, have and do enough.