When Work Gets in the Way of Life

When I was a student at PLU in Tacoma, I waited tables at the Denny's restaurant close to downtown. At the time, I worked weekends, all weekend long. Tips were great - I made more in one 8-hour shift than my entire work-study paycheck any given month. All my friends had crazy-hour jobs along with classes so none of us paid much attention to our social or family lives. I didn't mind Sunday afternoons.

However, one of my coworkers, a married woman with two school-age kids, did mind. As she explained to me,Sunday was the only day that the rest of her family was together at home. She felt sad whenever she had to miss it. But Sundays 12:00 - 5:00 were often the busiest time of day so she was invariably called in.

One reason why Sunday afternoons were so frantic was because at noon, a small army of people from the Baptist church across the street would flock in for lunch. Since most conservative churches have strict injunctions against working on Sunday, I sometimes wondered if our customers realized that eating out made it necessary for other people to work Sundays.

In western societies, Sunday is the day when the greatest number of people have the day off. Kids aren't in school and businesses with traditional office hours are closed. For people like my Denny's coworker, Sunday wasn't a religious day but it was the only day her family could be together and could gather with friends and relatives. Other cultures have a different traditional day off; the point is that everyone gets a weekly holiday together.

I've been remembering my Denny's friend during the last two weeks as I've tried to find a time when a women's circle I'm part of can meet. One woman's workplace recently went from a 6-days-a-week schedule to being open all 7 days. Her schedule has changed, and now there doesn't seem to be a time when we can all get together. Her workplace doesn't provide an urgent service; it's not a hospital, fire or police station, so it's not open out of strict necessity. But since customers requested Sunday hours, she has to be there.

The protests at Target stores this past Thanksgiving by staff who had to leave family celebrations early in order to be at work by 11 pm on Thanksgiving Day are an extreme example of opportunity for business trumping relationships. I know a few people who were stuck in that situation as well. I don't blame them for being upset.

It's probably impossible to tell exactly how a 365-24-7 economy affects our social networks, but I've known many people who've been adversely affected by it. This has made me pay close attention to my own consumer habits: do I really need to run out and buy that missing ingredient on Thanksgiving Day, or is it just possible that the party will be fine without that particular dish? How many of the 365-24-7 store openings are really because people can't shop at any other time, and how many are simply because we've lost the planning skills it would take to eliminate last-minute errands?

It's good to remind myself once in awhile that I help determine the values that run our collective economy.

Being, Having and Doing: How Much is Too Much?

I've been reading a book with an important message that's especially timely now, as the holiday season approaches. The book, A Life of Being, Having and Doing by Wayne Muller, encourages the reader to examine just how much of anything - activity, stuff, stimulation - we really need to create a life worth living. Sometimes I need to be reminded that I can decide what to let in; I'm not obligated to take advantage of something just because it's there. I suspect that a lot of other people out there are in the same situation.

A sign posted in one of my former workplaces read "Just because you can, doesn't mean you should." These days, we all receive so many opportunities, requests, news sources, email messages and information that some of us feel guilty when we turn anything down. Some parents feel guilty when they limit the number of extracurricular activities a child can participate in; maybe the child will be at a disadvantage later on. Some of us dislike turning down requests for volunteering even if we really are booked up. And some people I've met face gifting expectations that exceed their resources.

The holidays bring on an overabundance of nearly everything. I used to experience a twinge whenever I decided not to attend an event or when my group turned down a performance opportunity. I tried to stuff in as much as possible. Then, a few years ago, I realized that I wasn't enjoying it anymore. Now I plan more carefully and keep my limits in mind.

If you're feeling overwhelmed already (and the holiday season hasn't even officially started!), it helps to come up with some guidelines for involvement. Here are questions I find useful:

• Do I really want to do this or am I motivated by guilt?
• Is my gut reaction a "Yes!" or "Oh, alright...I guess."?
• Do the expenses associated with the activity make me uncomfortable? Will I have to overspend in order to participate?
• Am I needing more time at home, alone or with my family instead of going out?
• Am I tired enough to fall asleep as soon as I get home tonight? Seriously, if you're fantasizing about sleeping for 24 hours straight, you're not being "lazy."
  
• Does this contribute to what, for me, would be a meaningful holiday season? Use your own definition of meaningful. No one else can tell you what gives you a sense of purpose.
• Who are the people most important to me? Will this help or hinder those relationships?

After you've been asking yourself these questions for a few years, you'll develop a stronger sense of what you really need and want. At that point you'll be, have and do enough.